Advice: For Those on Hard Times #1 (2008)

(By Jafira)

For whatever you may be going through, I cannot say for a fact that I can relate, as everyone has different experiences and different environments. But I would like to speak from experience, and from my own past. When I was growing up, I was cursed with a speech impediment, a lisp or hiss in my speech which would cause my words to be slurred, for this I was bullied constantly. My RL name is spelt in a feminent tense so I was also called "gay" and "fag" and so forth.

Growing up in a poorer family, I lacked decent clothing and was picked on for this as well. Socially awkward as it were, my situation was made worse by false friends, who robbed and stole from me when they visited, and disowned me in public. For many of my earlier years I was accident prone, having broken my leg once, my arms twice, my collar bones multiple times, and nearly dieing after puncturing my lungs in a vechicle accident. For this I was even more of a social outcast.

Due to my rejection of mainstream religions in a very religious town I was told daily that my beliefs and views no matter how rational or reasonable would condemn me to a fiery inferno. As well, in my early teens I was caught up in a nasty divorce which caused further torment to my life. From grade school until high school my life was literally a living hell of physical, mental, and spiritual pain, quite often I would cry myself to sleep and the pain was unbearable. But I fought on because I knew that although I did not know what it was, my life had a purpose, and that retreat from that purpose was the cowards way out.

I reminded myself that my pain was irrelevant when compared to that of those suffering in other countries and lands torn by war, that others struggled every day while I had shelter and a home. I knew that my pains would make me stronger and I worked to live each day as if it were my last, not caring what others thought. It was not until many years later in high school that I would meet friends who understood me, and not until long after graduation that I would find a decent mate.

I am still considered a freak, told I dress like a loser, and am a social outcast, but through it all I was made stronger, it took me many years but I did in time, find friends who accepted me for who I am, despite my quirks and past, so although at times it may seem impossible and far away they are out there, and for everyone there is also a mate or partner waiting to be found, sometimes closer then you think.

From my own experiences, I can state that although at times it may seem that the pain may never end, that your life may be meaningless and insignificant, the fact still remains that life must be faced with pride, be yourself, live each day as if it were your last, have faith in the future, trust in your self and that you have a purpose, and that if you wait, and if you look, you will find the friends that you seek.

Most of my closest personal friends were met by accident, sparking a conversation in a chat room, noticing a similar interest, or met on the way to a bus. It can happen at anytime, but a little effort helps as well. It may seem irrational reading this, but I am extremely shy, I am afraid of you, of everyone on the web, but I know that I have a lot to contribute, so I clench my fists and type, because this is my purpose, to help people, and to show them that they are not alone.

I would like to recommend "draconic's find a dragon" program to any who may be alone, perhaps you may have luck finding someone to relate to: http://www.draconic.com/ Check out the “find a dragon” section. Perhaps while there, consider reading the “for dragons” section, there is a link in there to some interesting audio files.

Regardless of all of this, I can mostly state that only you can really change your situation, being depressed (and I know first hand that it is a difficult thing to escape) will not solve any of your problems, only prolong them, you have to make an effort to better your situation, and work to understand that it can always be worse. Always remind yourself that the future is yet to come and that things can always become better, you won't be stuck in your rut forever.

If possible get out doors and get some fresh air and nature, try to look for the good in all things, work to dwell on positive thoughts over the negative (easier said then done) express yourself through your hobbies and skills, try to search for people you can relate to and attempt to spark a conversation, if you fail to make a friend, or embarrass yourself, time will erase your mistake, who cares.

Most problems are temporary, they only remain because you dwell on them. Live each day as a new day and leave the past where it belongs, try to always focus on the present and the future, because they are what matters most in the long run. Don't ever be afraid to vent, it doesn't make you weak, only giving up will do that. Through support you will find you are not alone and that others can relate, through example you can learn that there is hope for a better tomorrow.

Whatever your circumstances may be, I hope that you can feel better in time, and I know from experience that these words will not be enough alone to heal your wounds, and that only time can do that. But I hope that the support you find here can help to lead you on a better path, if nothing else, then cheer you up. I have been where you are, everyone reaches their breaking point at some time or another, and even after it's over, there will always be some residual pain on lonely nights, but I can say from experience, it can always get better in time, you can perservere.

~Jafira Dragon